You know when you have had one of those days where you start to question your abilities and even worse still; you start looking at yourself and you then start to pay attention to all the things that you are not in that moment. We know we should not go there but it happens from time to time when you lose focus. I believe the main thing is that you don’t stay in the mind frame for long because it will make you question everything even your parenting.
Some single parents just keep going and going but there are some that have days when they can’t do a lot and they simply do what they can for each day. There may be some single parents that have loads of support and help to look after their children from family and friends but there are others that don’t have this network and from day to day; it’s them and their children. Raising a child is no joke but in a single parent household; the only break you may get is when the children go to school or when you go to work or when they go to bed. Due to the times we are currently living in; the breaks and moments to yourself maybe a lot less depending on each individual situation.
So when do you get time to reflect on the things that bother you? With life we could be so busy worrying or trying to achieve things that we can allow how we are feeling about ourselves to take the back seat. I have found that I need to be attentive to how I am feeling because if I neglect this; I begin to view myself, my circumstances and other people differently. There have been so many times during the course of raising my children where I doubted the purpose of my life and it felt like I was going backwards. I have had 10 straight years of being a single parent and I can’t say I did not face challenges with internal perceptions of myself that were damaging to my internal growth and the security of being me. I constantly tell my children how beautiful they are inside and out but there were times that I didn’t understand this beauty that I was telling them they had; I didn’t always believe I was. How do we actually get by on not thinking we are beautiful, lovely and valued; too much of us have lived our life’s, achieved career goals, married, divorced and raised children in this state. Imagine giving birth to a child and deep down, you don’t like yourself; having a child is something that just takes your mind off all the things you don’t like about yourself. The same could be said about any choice we make in this life; we will always try to look for the next distraction to make us happy, in order to not think about the things that we are not happy with.
I believed that my marriage would make me happy, children and short-term goals but I was just miserable with myself so how on earth was anybody else going to make it better. If you have issues from childhood or adulthood that have broken you down; the last thing you would need to be doing is trying to add more complications to somehow feel better. I had to be honest with myself, I struggled to love who I was but I actually believe there are sadly more people that do not love themselves then do because you only need to see how adults treat each other to see that something is seriously not right. If we truly love ourselves, it will be seen; in how we talk to people and how we behave with them. We would be quick to say sorry when we are wrong and waste no time showing people that we were wrong; it comes from a place of not wanting to hurt another person because you value them as you do yourself. I am so quick to tell my children sorry when I am wrong because it is important that they know that I have no problem doing it. My daughter will tell you though, that I think I am always right and most of the time in their case; I am lol but they know that I love enough to be transparent and open with my shortcomings.
It was during the years of single parenting that I have realised, just how loved I am and how much I am accepted; God did not make me to feel bad about myself or believe that I am not beautiful. I once heard a saying which is this: “We are made for love”! Not just that, we are made with love and through love; it does not matter if our Mum’s and Dad’s rejected us. Regardless of anything we all have a right to be here and we all have a purpose, whether we are accepted by everyone we meet or rejected by every person we care about; it will never change the fact that all unconditional love comes from above. His love is with you every day and even when we are telling ourselves all our reasons why we are not likable, his love remains the same; no human can be this to us. I don’t want to be fighting with myself anymore than the next person because God did amazing when he created us. I already know just how special and unique the person who is reading this is, you can not be compared to anyone; so don’t compare yourself to your own wrong beliefs about yourself because you would not want your children to pick up on this; I am talking from experience here.
On reflection: Made sure you deal with YOU before you handle anyone else in your life (I say this to myself also). Pride need’s to go out the window.
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